I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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