oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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