It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
