Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
