My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
cat food counts as protein by the way
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
