I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
