At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
