so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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