why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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