WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
