i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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