i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
