At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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