; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
