"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i drank out of a bidet.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
