If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Fuck appropriateness.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
