Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
