Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
