It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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