...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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