I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
