no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
