and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
