i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
