I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
