I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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