I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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