A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
A bitchslap is in order.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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