before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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