u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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