I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
