It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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