I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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