They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
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