i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
