I CAN MOONWALK!
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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