She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
