I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
