Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She even gives head with a lisp.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
