He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The best revenge is premature balding
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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