guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
