Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You've changed since you got that strap on
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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