I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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