Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
it's like iHOP with fire
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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