I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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