I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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