TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
