You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Randomize
