am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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