I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
