just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
