I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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