HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
