im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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