She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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