Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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