i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
