All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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