so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
