last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
